I was so sad to hear the other day that Owen Wilson called 911 (or someone did) on a sucide attempt. I guess now he is out of the hospital and is doing well, but I was truly sad to hear that he hit the bottom of the pit, that he saw no way of getting out of. He brings so much happiness into lives that he will never know. And the fact that he wanted to end that, I can't believe the pressure he is under being a movie star. He is so funny and charasmatic, something that is hard to find in a true star now a days. And I for one was so glad to read that the movie he is working on with Jack Black and Ben Stiller will still go on. I didn't think that Ben Stiller would ever recast him, unless he asked him to.
So, I know that Owen Wilson will never read this but, my heart goes out to him and I'm praying for him and his family for recovery, peace and ability to go on from this stronger. I for one will always go to the movie if he is in it, so I hope that he keeps doing what he does best! And keep up the good work, you always have a fan in me!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Just another page in my crazy life!!
So far in this life I have been thru what I consider a great deal of CRAP....from my parents, from school, from my parents, from different friends I have had over the years, from my parents, from nature, did I mention my parents??
Well it all came to a head yesterday....and I'm DONE! I'm tired of being the parent and the responsible one, the mature one, the voice of reason. I can't do it anymore...I have my own kids to teach right from wrong. Because of this at 9 I lost my childhood, the right to be a kid and carefree. I can't do it for my mom anymore. I joke that I am in my own personal war with Iraq, (no offense to the good people of Iraq) but it's true. I'm concerned for her and love her very much (I have this understanding that there is an unconditional love with a mother and child and child and parent) but I just can't fight with her anymore. I can't go along with what she says as being truth and what reality is. I work VERY hard every day to not be a nutcase because of my childhood, teenage years and just the day to day life of a mother of 2 toddlers. Unlike my mother I have decided to not let my past control who I am right now. I understand that I can get up every morning and know it's a new day, a gift of a clean slate if you will, and do it again the same or different. And not let yesterday control what will happen today. Now with this being said I don't forget the lessons I learned from the mistakes or sucesses that I have had. That's the problem with humans and why history repeats itself. I still make mistakes sometimes the same ones but I don't blame anyone but ME.
And I hope that I have never let anyone feel that I wasn't totaly appreciative for anything anyone has ever done for me and because of that and those people I have felt blessed and loved and couldn't want anything more. To make a statement that one has been appreciative of what others have done for them BUT in the same breath say they have never gotten what they wanted is the ramblings of a ungrateful spoiled little brat! Yes, harsh words. But would you believe that they came from a 50+ year old!! I have to use this and take it to make sense to me....it would be like me telling Brent thank you for buying something for me from Tiffany's but it's not what I wanted.....What the HECK!!! I would sound like a brat! and people would want to hit me in the head!! Well that's where I am right now.
The outcome of this is that I was hung up on and she isn't coming to see me anymore. Now I know that more than likely isn't happening but that's the emotional lashings I have been given since I was 9. But you know this time I just may let her be and not call her and want her to know that I really want her in my life. And my boys. But the fact that a mother wanted to walk away from me is her choice and frankly I'm tired and can't fight the war anymore so I choose to take my army and go home. If she wants to continue to destroy herself and life there is nothing I can do or say to make her stop. She has the choice just like I do. This is all very hard for me to wrap my head around and I've come to the realization that I don't want to or need to. I just need to be the best mother, wife, daughter, friend, and christian that I can be but only with the help of the man upstairs. I guess He is the only parent I have that has been there all the time no matter what. Kinda nice huh, knowing that I have always had someone that has been there even when my own weren't or couldn't be. I also have an entire aresnal of 'parents' that will always be there for me and have always been there. It just hurts that I don't have the one who was given the job.
Ok, I have to stop for now. Thanks for reading.
Well it all came to a head yesterday....and I'm DONE! I'm tired of being the parent and the responsible one, the mature one, the voice of reason. I can't do it anymore...I have my own kids to teach right from wrong. Because of this at 9 I lost my childhood, the right to be a kid and carefree. I can't do it for my mom anymore. I joke that I am in my own personal war with Iraq, (no offense to the good people of Iraq) but it's true. I'm concerned for her and love her very much (I have this understanding that there is an unconditional love with a mother and child and child and parent) but I just can't fight with her anymore. I can't go along with what she says as being truth and what reality is. I work VERY hard every day to not be a nutcase because of my childhood, teenage years and just the day to day life of a mother of 2 toddlers. Unlike my mother I have decided to not let my past control who I am right now. I understand that I can get up every morning and know it's a new day, a gift of a clean slate if you will, and do it again the same or different. And not let yesterday control what will happen today. Now with this being said I don't forget the lessons I learned from the mistakes or sucesses that I have had. That's the problem with humans and why history repeats itself. I still make mistakes sometimes the same ones but I don't blame anyone but ME.
And I hope that I have never let anyone feel that I wasn't totaly appreciative for anything anyone has ever done for me and because of that and those people I have felt blessed and loved and couldn't want anything more. To make a statement that one has been appreciative of what others have done for them BUT in the same breath say they have never gotten what they wanted is the ramblings of a ungrateful spoiled little brat! Yes, harsh words. But would you believe that they came from a 50+ year old!! I have to use this and take it to make sense to me....it would be like me telling Brent thank you for buying something for me from Tiffany's but it's not what I wanted.....What the HECK!!! I would sound like a brat! and people would want to hit me in the head!! Well that's where I am right now.
The outcome of this is that I was hung up on and she isn't coming to see me anymore. Now I know that more than likely isn't happening but that's the emotional lashings I have been given since I was 9. But you know this time I just may let her be and not call her and want her to know that I really want her in my life. And my boys. But the fact that a mother wanted to walk away from me is her choice and frankly I'm tired and can't fight the war anymore so I choose to take my army and go home. If she wants to continue to destroy herself and life there is nothing I can do or say to make her stop. She has the choice just like I do. This is all very hard for me to wrap my head around and I've come to the realization that I don't want to or need to. I just need to be the best mother, wife, daughter, friend, and christian that I can be but only with the help of the man upstairs. I guess He is the only parent I have that has been there all the time no matter what. Kinda nice huh, knowing that I have always had someone that has been there even when my own weren't or couldn't be. I also have an entire aresnal of 'parents' that will always be there for me and have always been there. It just hurts that I don't have the one who was given the job.
Ok, I have to stop for now. Thanks for reading.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
