Missing England

Well, it's been a few months since we moved from England. And I miss it! I miss everything! My neighborhood is the thing I miss the most. I have some great friends in that Close. And life was easy there. Only one choice at the commissary! I never got headaches there. This new commissary every time I go in it I get a headache! I didn't know that there were 15 choices of pasta all the same shape!! Tesco had the BEST produce ever! And the markets were wonderful!! I miss the weather too! All this sun is nuts! We've been to DC a few times and it was neat and I liked going to all the monuments but it's no London. I keep wanting to go back home. Like we are just visiting. I do like the house we have and the community is great for shopping and our church is wonderful. It's just not the same. I had loads of stay at home moms as friends that at any time we could go and hang out with each other. I had lots of friends just across the street from me for when we only had one car it wasn't an issue. Here I feel really separate from everything. Brent works in such tight security I can't go see him. I have met 1 of his co-workers she's really nice but there is no connection with anyone else. We are like 20 mins from the base and I haven't met anyone from there either, it's a little hard with out a car to get there. Brent tries to let me go and do things when he gets home but I don't want to go anywhere after dealing with the kids all day. And going to the commissary isn't 'mommy time'! I'm selling Creative Memories but I can't get out and meet people during the day. I have crops once a month and do other workshops but it's not what I want out of my business. I just need to get thru the holidays and get up and just go and do. Even if I have to walk, just to get out. That's what I miss about England, I guess life changed for me there and it stayed the same but I just moved and I haven't figured out how to make it the same. Or maybe it will never be the same. Oh, well I'll just go have a cup of PG tips and smile for now.

Philip even misses it! When he get really sad or tired he asks to go home. When I ask him where home is he doesn't know but it's not here. It breaks my heart! He wonders where Grandma Joan is he asked to go see her the other day. He loves to watch Charlie and Lola with thier accents. I feel bad for him he has memories and doesn't know how to know that we aren't going back to his home.

But I will be forever grateful that I was able to have the experience and have such wonderful friends and places to miss. And I can always go back! TTFN!

In a BAD mood!

Really don't know why! I woke up like this! Hurting and sore throat! Not much fun! I'm even crabby! (more than usual!) :0) I know I have things to get done today but I don't want to do them. Brent starts working 12 days straight and the night shift! I know that it's only for 12 days but Mia is coming to town and it just disrupts our lives! He is only a minority of married people in his shop but he 'would get the best training' on the night shift! Well phooey on the 'best training' I want to be selfish and not have my husband sleeping during the day and have to keep the kids quite and not get to do anything as a family with Mia here. All leave would be denied too! I guess I feel mostly bad for Mia she took time off and spent money to come up here!!! And I had to schedule Michael's birthday so Brent could at least be there! I'm not used to my husband not being there, I know I'm one of the lucky military spouses. Brent has been at both births, all Dr appointments, major milestones and birthdays.

I'm just in a bad mood! I feel like I do and do and nothing ever gets done! or it's not appreciated! It may be acknowledged verbally but actually trying to help keep it up is all but lost! So that's when I feel it's not appreciated. I know that this is my job and I try to be the best fly baby I can be but there is a whole wall of clocks, pen sets, plaques, mugs....of how great he is at work out of 100s of people. Well I'm only one and I don't need a mug but it's thankless. I can have it clean and organized and it will look like a tornado hit minutes later! I think if anyone worked for 2 hours on a computer to have the thing turned off and lose everything lost would be a little pissed! That's all! I know that there will be setbacks and that 4 people live here and I'm trying to teach the 2 almost 3 year old to help do things (you can never start to early) But how do you teach an old dog new tricks! You can't not even by example! I think the only way that the military get them to do the things they want them to do is by fear..fear of failure, dissapointment, recycling, or getting kicked out. It created stress, that's not how marriage should be. But it seems to be the only effective way! But I'm not about that. I had a friend that didn't put a tool away and it was bad news he got into a lot of trouble, because it could have hurt others and that wasn't the proper procedure. Well if you don't put your clothes into the hamper it won't kill anybody but it will upset someone. What's the difference?? Well ending someone's life is not the best thing but upsetting your spouse and not trying to help and see that there is a place for things is not that nice either. I guess that there are no demotions in marriage is the saftey net. There is no rank structure in marriage you are equals. But shouldn't there be respect and mutual understanding of things that need to be done to create harmony in the home. I don't have to anwser to anybody if I don't make the bed but it's not as nice. I don't know I just feel blah.... I'll stop now! Is there any one out there that feels the same way???

Christmas Star

So we set up the tree this past weekend. Brent, Patrick and Me. Sunday we got the lights up. Had to go buy a few new ones. They were pushing 7 years. So Monday morning Philip woke up to see the tree. The first thing he asked was where's the Christmas Star??? How sweet is he!? We have had silver ribbon that tops the tree since Katy broke the first topper we bought. But I think this year we may have to consider a star. Monday night we decorated the tree. Leaving a few ornaments for Philip to put up. He put all of the candy canes in one place making a candy cane colony for us. I don't have the heart to move them. He was so proud of it. He also got Brent to hold him all the way up to put the star ornament up at the top! Michael sat and supervised from the exersaucer. It was fun putting the tree up this year!

Things are changing....again.....

Well, it's nearly been 3 years since I've been here and I belive that all of the feelings are coming back! Last time I was pregnant with Philip having to say goodbye to family and friends to go half way around the world to live for 3 years. I wasn't scared of what would happen just the unkown and being alone and so far away. Now, I'm leaving the "foriegn land" I now call home to go to another "foriegn" place this time with 2 babies. We came as two and are leaving as four! We are going back "home" to the wonderful land of free gift with purchase and WAL-MART! but at the same time this is my babies home. Philip knows this house and the people around it. He has his first friends and adopted family. I have made roots here, and now I have to pull them up. And it's sad. I'm sad to leave. Not stressed or anything like that. SAD! I've brought my babies home here and watched them grow up. I know we are in the military and this is our life (and a blessed one it is!) but I guess I feel like I can be sad about this and grieve for a little while. I have loved every minute of living here in England. All of the things I have gotten to see and do because I was here. We have shared holidays with people and learned new things. I had to adapt to the "English" way of things including not being able to get what I want because of the lack of malls and Wal-Mart! They do things different with babies and I do like it. I'm gald I had my 2 babies here. They will have a great start to thier story. I guess I just had to say that I am sad to leave England the place I have called home for the past 3 years. There have been some great times and some very memorable times (2 births!) and I will miss the place but I will always have the memories. And for those who know me A LOT of pictures to prove it!

My Boys

So here I am with my boys.....They look just like my Husband, Brent and I LOVE IT!! Everybody thinks that Michael looks like me but it's only the dark hair that does it! He looks a lot like Philip did at this age. He also looks like my Sister Mia when she was a baby. She asked me one day if I know how to make babies that look like me....apparently NOT! But as Grandma says they sure are pretty! I would like to one day finish my degree and become a teacher. But I think at this point in my life I can say that I'm living my dream. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mommy. And I feel blessed and honored to be thier momma. They are so much fun, everyday is a new adventure. Not all days are great, but at the end of the day I am happy and content, That's what life is all about really isn't it??

Michael is our baby, he seems to be growing so fast!! He's the sweetest cuddle bug!! Brent calls him "Buggy" He gives the sweetest smiles and kisses (learning) All the little things he does during the day just make the room light up. He loves his big brother, whenever he sees Philip he smiles and starts to kick. I was wondering at first if I was crazy to have 2 so close together but they will be life long friends and watching them grow will be an adventure. He babbles all the time and gets sooo excited when he sees a bowl. He has no food that he doesn't like!! That's my baby! He's very sensitive but always has a smile for you!

Philip our first born is a dream come true. I love my boys with all my heart but there will always be a special place for the 1st born. My life was forever changed when I first saw him in the operating room. He is so musical, and creative! He's the smartest 2 year old I know!! He is always full of laughter and has a hug and a smile for you!! Even when he's upset and doesn't want to go to bed he won't be rude and not hug and kiss everyone in the room. He comes up with new words every day!! Yesterday while he was eating his cereal, he declared that it was "delicious!" What a funny monkey!!! He may not look like me but he can talk like me! LOL! He's learning how to ride his trike that he got for Christmas, it's been hard because it's not always the best weather here, but he's getting the hang of it!! He loves to help me in the kitchen, he knows to bring a chair in and he can help me. He loves to read and be read to! He has instuted 'rockababy' at night just last month. We change into PJs, "change diaper" and read a few books and some poems. It's so much fun playing house with Brent and dolls with the boys!

My 5 Favorite Words

Mommy- It's the word that any woman can hear and they melt. The first time you hear it out of the mouth of your baby is one of those moments like when you hear, "will you marry me?" Time stands still and you are forever inducted into the proud sisterhood of mommys. Mama is nice too. You become something bigger than yourself. The word can really have no true definition it's all things wrapped into one being. I love hearing it and proud to be one to my boys!

beautiful-This word is another one that can have many meanings to everybody. What is beautiful to me will not be beautiful to another. But anyone can find beauty in anything. I'm not a huge Christina Agulera (sp?) fan but I love her song "beautiful" If only everybody would feel this way no matter size, race, religion....the world would be a happier place. Beauty to me can be as simple as a rose or as complex as the image I saw when Philip and Michael were born. When someone tells you that you are beautiful, take it and love them for it. You may not belive this of yourself but to that person it is true. And I love that I am beautiful to one person and am starting to belive it.

family-this word can have no boundries. I have my "blood" family the ones that I have been blessed to share a physical bond with. Then I have my extended family, the ones that I hand picked to be apart of me. I also have a much larger family that I will be apart of when we all get to heaven, most of my family and adopted family are included in this large family as well! But most of this family I haven't even met yet! I have a military family that has supported me during many times in my life. We have adopted Grandmas, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Sisters, Brothers, Moms, Dads. I love to surround myself with family. It is one of my basic needs. I love that Brent and I have started our family and that the boys will grow up in such a large family.

happy-Have you ever noticed that you CANNOT say this word with out smiling???? Try it! It's the best word to say! It makes you happy. That's why It's one of my favorites!

faith-I love this word because it makes the unseen visible through a word. Yes, you can have faith in a person to uplift them, but I'm talking about the faith of God and His Son. To my knowledge no one has ever seen either in my life time. Christ walked the earth many years ago and was seen by many and they still didn't have faith that what He said was true. And sad to say that 2000 years later it's still happening. But I have faith that all things will come to pass. And that the unseen will be made visible. I love that you can have the faith the size of a mustard seed and still move mountains! I love that! It's awsome, can you imagine what GREAT faith could do?? Faith: one of my favorite words!

What are some of your favorite words and why?? Do we share some favorite words?

What does love look like to you?

That's a good question huh? Everybody always knows what it feels like and what it sounds like even what it tastes like (mmmm, chocolate!) But what it looks like is more difficult....

One thinks....should I be thinking of a person place or thing? One of my favorite characters quoted "love is like oxygen" if that's true then love looks like anything and everything. All things are made up of oxygen it's the most basic element. Thus love will be the most basic of needs.

So, to anwser what love looks like to me. As a child it was my father walking into my room with a small gift when I had been sick in bed for days and reading me a story, Uncle Remus (with briar rabbit and briar bear) As a young girl it was the poodle skirt that my mom stayed up all night making so I could have the halloween costume I wanted in time. As a teenager it was the red head I had a crush on for so long smiling at me. As a adult it was the same face of that red head with flowers and the same smile. As a mother it is the smile in my baby boys that mirrors the smile of the red head that I still have a crush on after all of these years.

So, I guess love can look like many different things as one gets older but one thing stays the same it's the smile of those you love that's what love looks like to me.

On the other hand, I belive I have never before seen love in it's true form until I saw my first born for the first time. That image of mine and Brent's love made physical and bright technicolor and surround sound will be forever etched in my mind. That is true love at first sight. It's a crazy love that people say doesn't exist but I'll let you know that flash of lighting and feeling of love are one in the same. And until they have experienced it they will always doubt of it's exisistence.

So, my question for you is: What does love look like to you??